


Firsts

by AnnaWatermelon



Series: Café Hwarang [2]
Category: SHINee
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-28 07:57:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16719429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnaWatermelon/pseuds/AnnaWatermelon
Summary: First day of work leads to some other firsts for Taemin.





	Firsts

“All the packages are labeled so even if you’re not sure which pastry is which just by looking at them, you can just read the bag it came in.”

 

“Right.”

 

“Now that I’ve explained this to you for ten minutes do you understand how to do it, Taemin?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Are you lying to me?”

 

“...yes.”

 

Kibum sighed and probably thought Taemin couldn’t see him rolling his eyes as he turned to grab Minho’s shoulder. “Please help him.” He said, sounding like it took all his remaining effort to get those three words out.

 

Minho looked from Kibum, to Taemin playing with the hem of his dress shirt, to the box in his hands and back to Kibum. “I can do that.”

 

With a small smile, Kibum patted Minho’s shoulder and left him to it, saying “Just do what Minho does,” before planting a kiss on Minho’s cheek and leaving to grab another shipment from the front door.

 

Minho lifted the box onto the counter and easily ripped it open, handing Taemin two pastries and keeping two for himself. Actually showing Taemin exactly where to put everything instead of simply telling him seemed to work wonders, and Taemin followed Minho’s lead with little trouble.

 

Even though he wasn’t trying to, Taemin’s nervousness boiled to the point where he could no longer hide its physical symptoms. Blinking nonstop and biting his lip, nibbling it down until the skin was peeling off, fingers twitching and tapping against each other. Minho seemed to notice this and asked “Are you nervous?” as Taemin was loading a cookie into the display case, making him hit the back on his head on the edge.

 

“Probably more like anxious at this point.” Taemin replied, wincing at the sting as he rubbed the back of his head. He wasn’t mad that Minho surprised him though, it wasn’t his fault, he was just trying to be nice.

 

“What are you anxious about?” Minho pressed further, not that Taemin minded. He had nothing to hide.

 

Taemin paused for a moment as he thought. He was scared about taking orders and messing up. He was scared about sounding stupid when he talked to the customers. He was _terrified_ about what might happen if he was asked to perform a scene. But this was what he applied for and was hired for so there was no going back. And it wasn’t that he didn’t want this job, he really believed he could be happy here, he was just worried about what he could do to fuck up before he got the hang of things. “Everything. People. Everything to do with people.” He answered, shutting his eyes tight and opening them again, cursing himself when that didn’t stop the blinking.

 

“Well, I’m a people and I’m gonna help you get through today.” Minho said, standing next to Taemin as they both placed sweets on the wax paper lining the display case. That lifted a little bit of the weight off Taemin’s chest. Not much, though. “And I don’t know if this helps but I kind of get the feeling we’re going to be paired up for scenes a lot.”

 

The previously inconspicuous Jonghyun suddenly ripped Taemin’s attention away when he dropped a handful of roasted coffee beans onto the floor. “Shit, sorry.” He said, looking at Minho instead of the floor as he picked them back up. No biggie, it wasn’t Taemin’s job to worry about that.

 

But anyways. “What makes you think that, hyung?” Taemin asked, refocusing on his task for the morning.

 

“I just know what BL manhwas are like and I know what our customers are like.” He replied, natural smile faltering just the slightest bit. “To put it bluntly, I’m tall and muscular, so I’m basically exclusively placed in dominant roles.”

 

“Oh.” Taemin said, not entirely sure how he was supposed to feel about this information. “And I’m…” Scrawny. Weirdly disproportionate. Unbearably awkward. “...not muscular.”

 

“I’m really not trying to offend you or anything.” Minho’s words slurred together like he was in a rush to get them all out. “I’m just saying we kind of fit the stereotypes for doms and subs.” He handed Taemin the last of the pastries, warmth in his eyes showing his sincerity and sympathy. And it wasn’t like he was wrong, either. “I don’t even like doing dominant roles.”

 

“You don’t?” Taemin blurted out before he could think, brain never seeming to work at the same time as his mouth.

 

“Fuck no!” Minho said with a smile, leaning against the counter now that their job was finished. “I’m still good at it because I really enjoy acting, but…” He turned his eyes up to the ceiling, pondering what to say next. “It’s just more comfortable for me to play a character that reflects what I’m like in real life.”

 

Taemin never even thought about why the other employees decided to work here. It never occurred to him that some of them could’ve chosen it for reasons other than his own; money and an environment where he could be comfortable as a gay man. He obviously knew the others liked men based on their relationships, but even so, it made so much more sense for them to work here if they enjoyed acting. Because that’s really what they’re doing, performing for an audience. Taemin didn’t like acting. In fact he was terrible at it. He was always cast as a tree when he was in school. But now he could be surrounded by seasoned actors for all he knew and would stick out like a sore thumb.

 

If he wasn’t panicking before, he is now.

* * *

  


Even after preparing orders for almost two hours, Taemin still couldn’t keep his eyes open for more than a second and Jinki refused to let him see any customers until he felt comfortable enough. Thing is, Taemin wasn’t sure he’d ever be comfortable. He knew his first interaction would be a disaster anyways so he thought it’d be better to get it over with sooner rather than later but he didn’t have the breath in his lungs to tell Jinki that. And worse yet, the one person he thought might be able to help him was waiting on double the tables due to his absence. He felt like an asshole.

 

So trapped in his own thoughts, Taemin didn’t even realize he was staring at Jonghyun until Kibum joined Taemin at his side, following his gaze before a knowing smirk stretched across his face. “So how was your date?”

 

Taemin nearly dropped the plate he was washing into the sink. “W-what date? How did you know about that??” He stammered, blood starting to rush up his neck.

 

“I know everything.” Kibum said matter-of-factly, reaching across Taemin to grab a rag. Taemin’s shoulders slumped and he glowered at Kibum underneath his eyebrows. “Jonghyun is notoriously bad at keeping secrets.” He relented, grabbing the plate as soon as Taemin was done washing to dry it off.

 

Taemin felt his stomach churn. He knew Kibum and Jonghyun were friends, of course, and he didn’t mind if Jonghyun told people they went out, but he at least wished Jonghyun said something beforehand. But that’s dumb, it wasn’t like the date was a secret. Jonghyun had no reason _not_ to tell anyone. Taemin bit the inside of his mouth for overreacting to something so stupid. It was just the one friend. It was just one little date.

 

It was just one question he could’ve asked.

 

Kibum glanced at Taemin from the corner of his eye only to turn his whole body towards him. “Woah, Taemin, are you oka - ”

 

“Taemin!!” Someone interrupted, calling from behind him. He spun around to see Jinki leaning across the counter, blowing his bangs out of his eyes. “Someone just requested you for a scene.”

 

“M-me?!” Taemin stuttered, which, duh, of course it was him, he’s the only Taemin here, what an idiot thing to say. “Can they do that?”

 

“They must’ve seen you working back here.” Jinki clarified in a way that only made sense to himself. “And yes, you’re an employee, so they’re allowed to ask for whoever they want.”

 

Taemin’s face burned from both frustration and embarrassment, because obviously he’s an employee. Obviously he has to do his job. This shouldn’t be surprising to him. “Who is it with?” He asked, the first thing in his mind that made sense.

 

“Me.” Jinki gestured for Taemin to follow him but Taemin’s feet were glued to the floor. And his hands were wet. And all the scenes he had read up on had suddenly evaporated from his brain. He thought of everything and nothing at once and he couldn’t move until Kibum pushed him towards the dining area. He would’ve thanked him if his throat wasn’t closing up.

 

It was so much easier to keep walking now that he was already in motion, and he had enough sense to wipe his hands dry on his apron. Usually he would’ve done that on his shirt but this was a dress shirt and he didn’t have an extra so he applauded himself for managing that much. And suddenly he didn’t have the space in his head to be irritated anymore. Just anxious. That’s one less bad emotion than before. Maybe this wouldn’t be a complete and total disaster.

 

At least he thought he could pull through until he reached the table where two high school girls were giggling behind their hands, hiding their pink faces. He was going to make a fool of himself in front of them and they’d never come back and it’d be his fault.

 

“Taemin.” Jinki said, grabbing his attention yet again. Taemin tried to focus on what Jinki was telling him. It was important. He needed to know this. Jinki reached down to a small box on the table and pulled out a pocky stick, holding it between their faces. “You remember how to do this, right?”

 

Right. The pocky scene. Flirting and then more fake kissing. He knew the jist. “Yes.”

 

“Okay good.” Jinki handed Taemin the whole box and pulled out a chair for him to sit down. Right at the same table as the girls. Oh god, no. This was way too close for him, they’d be able to see his fuck-ups so clearly. He’d have no way to hide them.

 

He ignored the pit in his stomach and sat down, back stiff, face blank, hands curled around his apron. The girls were laughing. They were laughing at him and he hadn’t even done anything yet.

 

He wanted out.

 

Jinki didn’t hear Taemin’s silent pleas for help and cleared his throat at him, and Taemin’s heart jumped three feet in the air. He wasn’t doing what he was supposed to be doing. His fingers fumbled to open the box of snacks and his whole hand shook when he tried putting a stick in his mouth and the girls were giggling again. This was a mistake. The pocky tasted like dirt but he couldn’t spit it out.

 

“What are you eating, Taemin?” Jinki asked, and Taemin had heard that exact sentence before. It was a part of their script.

 

Taemin shoved the rest of the stick into his mouth, swallowing it down as fast as he could and hiding the box underneath the table. “Nothing, hyung.” He answered with practiced levelness.

 

Jinki placed a hand on the back of Taemin’s chair and leaned in until Taemin’s face burned. “You know you’re not supposed to eat on the clock, right?” He said, and Jinki’s warm breath wasn’t helping with the way Taemin’s body was on fire.

 

Somehow his hand managed to only shake a little when he placed the box on the table again, trying to look as embarrassed as he felt. “I’m sorry, hyung. Please don’t tell anyone?” His own voice sounded strange to his ears. This wasn’t him and those weren’t his words. They were chosen for him.

 

Jinki hummed and looked off to the side at nothing in particular, also something he had obviously practiced beforehand. “I suppose I could do that.”

 

The smile that pulled at Taemin’s lips was so forced it was almost painful. “Thank you, hyung, I promise - ”

 

“ _If_ you do something for me, that is.” Jinki’s eyes twinkled as he smirked and one of the girls squealed while the other wrapped her hands around her friend’s arm.

 

Taemin’s mouth went dry again and no matter how many times he licked his lips he still cracked when he said “L-like what?” The girl started shaking her friend back and forth and they were giggling again. Taemin’s stomach dropped.

 

Instead of answering with words, Jinki grabbed his own pocky stick from the box, holding it between his fingers like he was supposed to. “Share with me?”

 

“What?” Taemin said, getting that much out before the pocky was placed in his mouth by Jinki, and Jinki’s lips were around the other end, and his face kept coming closer. Taemin shut his eyes tight on reflex, feeling Jinki place his hand on his cheek, turning their heads away from the girls and biting off his end of the stick, close enough for it to look like they were actually kissing. Both the girls screamed and Taemin’s heart was beating so fast it made him dizzy, his whole body freezing up, counting the seconds that dragged on for far too long.

 

And then it was over. Jinki was gone, standing by the table and thanking the girls, hoping they enjoyed the scene. They nodded as they laughed again and Taemin ate the rest of the pocky that was still hanging out of his mouth. He was surprised when he realized he could actually taste it.

 

“Um...excuse me?” A timid voice called from not far off, and Taemin followed the sound to see a customer shaking her hand in front of Jonghyun’s face, trying to grab his attention. He had his paper and pen in his hand but he wasn’t looking at her, he was looking at him. Their eyes met for a brief second and Taemin remembered he was upset. Before he could even glare at him, Jonghyun jumped and spun around, realizing his mistake and apologizing to the customer.

 

“Taemin? Taemiiiiin??” Now it was Taemin’s turn to be startled. “I said you can go back to the kitchen now.” Jinki said in a gentle voice, rubbing Taemin’s back and grounding him in reality again. His face went red and the girls were laughing as they waved goodbye to them both, Jinki leading Taemin away with his hand still between his shoulders.

 

Taemin stopped when Jinki did, right at the kitchen entrance, and Jinki’s arms raised before falling to his sides again. He patted Taemin’s shoulder instead. “You did a perfect job, Taemin.”

 

“I did?!” Taemin let out, not thinking again. He thought for sure it was a disaster and he’d be fired on the spot. How could anyone think that trainwreck was okay?

 

“Yeah, those girls definitely had the hots for you.” Jinki laughed, the kind that made his smile take over his face and his eyes disappear.

 

Which, what? That made no sense. They were laughing at him the whole time, they probably thought he was a los -

 

Oh wait. The blushing, the squeals, the giggles, they all started to add up. Those girls have a crush on him. Taemin flushed a deep red and tried to fight the smile creeping onto his face. He needed to go back to work now. Girls liked him. He had a job to do. Two people out there think he’s cute. Maybe more.

 

Taemin shook his head in an attempt to clear his thoughts and thanked Jinki. Jinki praised him again and went back to the dining area while Taemin returned to the kitchen, where Kibum was washing the dishes by himself. His whole face lit up when he saw him, asking how it went, for him to spill all the details, congratulating him for getting through his first scene.

 

And when he told Kibum it went well, it didn’t feel like a lie.

* * *

  


“How was your first day at work, Taemin-ah?” Jonghyun asked, walking backwards and not watching where he was going.

 

“Good.” He answered, not watching where he was going either in favor of looking at the snow beneath his feet before he crunched it. The blanket of flawless white hurt his eyes but he didn’t dare lift his head.

 

“Yeah?” Jonghyun said, and Taemin could hear the grin in his voice before he turned around, probably deciding not knowing if he was about to run into a pole was not the best idea. Taemin could still feel his warmth through their layers of clothes as they walked side by side. “What made it good?”

 

“Um.” Taemin hummed, recalling today’s events. It was a long one, but he didn’t feel tired. Not like his old job where he’d be exhausted after barely an hour. “I did a scene.”

 

“I saw that!” Jonghyun sounded so excited it made Taemin wish he wanted to see him. “You did a great job, especially considering it was your first time.”

 

Taemin couldn’t stop the blush that was creeping up his cheeks and hid it underneath his scarf instead. “Thanks.”

 

They continued walking in silence, most of the cars cleared from the early night streets, only occasionally covering the sound of their footsteps. “Are you mad at me, Taeminnie?”

 

Mad? No, Taemin wouldn’t say that. He never gets mad. “Just annoyed.” It was the truth but he immediately wanted to take it back after Jonghyun stopped walking, boots fixed in place on the sidewalk.

 

“Oh.” Was all he said, and now Taemin was looking at him, not knowing Jonghyun well enough to read the expression on his face. “Do you want me to leave or should we talk about it?” He sounded so normal Taemin felt a pang in his heart.

 

And Taemin didn’t want to be upset with Jonghyun. He _liked_ him, and he wanted to keep liking him, and he wished this feeling would go away so he could keep doing that. One day he hoped they could be something, and letting these shitty feelings fester inside him would ultimately only hurt their relationship. “I have time.” He answered without giving an answer.

 

They ended up in a nearby Starbucks, Taemin sitting alone in a corner booth while he waited for Jonghyun to come back with their drinks. He could still see the snow falling outside and tried counting the flakes. They were too fast, obviously, but at least it gave him something to focus on while he waited.

 

“Here you go, Taemin-ah.” Jonghyun slid his peppermint cocoa across the table and Taemin held it eagerly in his hands, warming them up until he could feel them again. He forgot one of his gloves today. The other one he didn’t forget, he just hasn’t found it yet. Jonghyun did the opposite when he sat across from him, taking his scarf off and unbuttoning his jacket. “So what’s up?” He asked, still trying to sound normal

 

Taemin opened his mouth to answer before he thought better of it. “It’s stupid, I shouldn’t have said anything in the first place, can we drop it? I’m sorry.”

 

“Taemin-ah,” Jonghyun reached his hand out, heading for Taemin’s own, but it landed on the table about halfway through. “If it’s affecting you then it’s not stupid. Your feelings exist for a reason.”

 

That made so much sense it felt obvious, yet Taemin had never thought that way. He was taught there were good and bad emotions; good ones you could show all you want, but the bad ones you had to smother and hide away. You shouldn’t be feeling that way in the first place, and the fact that you do makes you a bad person. The only way to get rid of them was to blame yourself until they never wanted to come back.

 

They always came back.

 

But Jonghyun said they existed for a reason, they don’t just pop out of nowhere, there needed to be something causing it. Whether you like that reason or not is up to you. And right now, Jonghyun was the reason. “You told Kibum we went on a date? Why?”

 

Jonghyun nodded slowly and sat back in his chair, taking a quick sip of his coffee before replying. “Kibum is a friend I keep updated on whatever’s going on in my life. He likes to talk about that kind of stuff.” Taemin felt nauseous again. Jonghyun shouldn’t even have to explain this to him, it’s so stupid, it doesn’t even matter. “I’m not going to put words in your mouth, Taemin-ah, so would you mind telling me why that bothers you? I’m just trying to understand, is all.”

 

Taemin huffed and his eyebrows knitted, because he really didn’t want to be talking about this. He wanted Jonghyun to forget about it and he wanted things to go back to the way they were before. But at the same time, he couldn’t shake this frustration off. It was to the point that his frustration with Jonghyun made him frustrated with himself for being frustrated. And well, Jonghyun asked, so. “You didn’t tell me you were going to gossip about me to our coworkers. They’re - ” He sighed and took a sip of his drink. Tried to ground himself. Make himself make sense. “They’re going to look at me different because they know you better. They know I like you and they could tease me about that. And…” His throat constricted and burned even hotter than when his cocoa was running down it. It was a mean thing to say, he couldn’t finish that sentence.

 

“What is it, Taemin-ah?” Jonghyun encouraged him to talk further after waiting for him to continue for a few moments. “You can tell me.”

 

The words bubbled at his lips, his heart wanted them out, but his brain was holding him back. But Jonghyun was expecting an answer. He needed to say something. He needed to get this out. “If we don’t last, they’ll blame me for it.” There. It was out. He felt awful and like a shitty person for saying it, but it was out there. “I just started working here and their opinions about me are already being made.” Taemin shook his head, trying to forget what he had just said, got his feet under him so he could stand. “I’m complaining about nothing, I’m sorry, I’ll leave - ”

 

He was halted by a warm palm laying on his fist. For a second, he just stared at the unexpected gesture, before following the arm attached to it until he found Jonghyun’s face looking back at him. His nose was red, his cheeks were red, and his lips, ghost of a smile playing at the corners, were red too. “I’m sorry, Taemin.”

 

“What?” Taemin asked, incredulous, sitting back down so he could get this next part out. “Why are you sorry? I’m the one being stupid.”

 

“I understand why you’re upset with me.” Jonghyun said, so gentle and genuine it tore Taemin up inside, brain not accepting this reaction, why he wasn’t telling him he was overreacting. “I’m still getting to know you. I didn’t know you’d feel this way, and I never would’ve said anything if I had. I made a mistake and I’m sorry.”

 

Taemin couldn’t think of anything to say to that. He was completely blindsided by this compassion, so different from every other situation he had been in, he had no prior experience to refer back to. “Thank you.” It came out without thinking, but it fit. He _was_ thankful. Thankful that Jonghyun had listened, had took him seriously, didn’t make him feel any stupider than he already made himself feel. He still thought he shouldn’t have brought it up, such an insignificant problem, but at the same time, he was glad he did. Jonghyun wasn’t upset with him and he could breathe again.

 

“Relationships involve more than one person and I neglected the other person in ours. I’ll try and be more mindful of that in the future.” Jonghyun pulled his hand away to grab his cup and take a drink, like he hadn’t just turned Taemin’s world inside out. “Sound good?”

 

It sounded amazing. “Yes.”

* * *

  


An hour later, Jonghyun was walking Taemin back to his apartment. They were talking about whatever came to mind, another first for Taemin, so used to closing himself off. He couldn’t remember a time where he could speak so freely to anyone, not even his parents. He barely knew Jonghyun and yet he didn’t feel the need to hide any of the things he hated about himself around him. Jonghyun listened when he was supposed to, said all the right things, never once made Taemin second guess himself. He was comfortable and he felt like home, his laughter like the warmth of a fireplace, the inside of his arms like a bed after a long day, his hands the blankets covering you and making you feel secure, one cupping Taemin’s neck, the other resting on the small of his back.

 

Taemin had no idea what he looked like when he pulled away from the hug, and for once, he didn’t care. It didn’t matter red and splotchy his face was, because right now, Jonghyun was so close to him. He was right there, with snowflakes landing on his eyelashes, smiling at him, so beautiful Taemin just wanted to…

 

“I really want to kiss you right now.” Somehow Jonghyun got the words out before Taemin did. His heart was bursting in his chest and his face hurt from grinning so much but all he could do was smile some more.

 

Taemin was never really good at talking, anyways.

 

So rather than responding with words, Taemin walked closer instead, until their shoes were touching. Leaned in until their noses were touching, too, staying there so they could look into each other’s eyes, such an intimate gesture yet Taemin didn’t feel awkward and didn’t want to shy away. Twisting his head so their lips could meet, taking the air out of his lungs, making his heart sing. Holding Jonghyun in the snow, smiling into the kiss, feeling Jonghyun smile back.

 

If every day at work could be like this first one, Taemin thinks he could be just fine.


End file.
